The List

General Conference starts tomorrow.  When I was a child I loved to watch because of the way it made me feel.  As a teenager though I sat listening making an impossible list of things I needed to improve.  It became discouraging after making the list and then failing at trying to change everything.  It was like making a bunch of New Year's Resolutions twice a year.

Now I approach it in a more satisfying way.  First I buy about 150 mini candy bars. (I don't eat all of them myself.)  Then I get my comfortable clothes on, a pencil and paper.  Then I say a prayer to hear the one thing I should work on for the next six months and enjoy the rest.  For me the decision to approach it in this manner has made my experience so much more enjoyable.

The speakers are inspiring and the spirit of the meetings are full of love and appreciation.  I admit I have my favorites, but it's also nice when someone I'm not familiar with shares a message.  I love conference and someday would like to go and sit in the conference center.  I want to live a gospel centered life, but I'm only a child still.  Watching, learning, listening, feeling and hopefully changing for the better.

Time/Relationships

I'm at a point today where my want to do list out reaches my energy.  Time for me is always too short.  I have this on going list that never ends.  I'm never board because I create more to do.  I can easily spend time doing chores and be happy.  I can wander a store with my daughter and not buy anything and be happy.  I can rock the baby and snuggle and be happy.  I can drive to no place in particular and be happy.  Unfortunately most days are filled with long lists of things to do and places to be.

In the over all picture though I think the best use of my time is with the people I love.  Pulling weeds with my children afforded me time.  Time to do a chore, feel the earth in my hands and be with my children.  Sometimes they were not too happy to be there, but after a while they would settle in and do the job.  It was nice to chat and just be.  Sometimes it was very warm and they couldn't get  it done soon enough.  But it was still time.

Last winter I was out back pulling some weeds and Kristopher came out to find me.  Soon he was helping me and we had a very good conversation.  I don't remember what we talked about but I do remember how it felt.  I was glad to be there. 

I hope I can find more opportunities to be available to those I love.  They are all so wonderful and unique.

Shrinking My Bubble

Some how I started out my married life with a rather large bubble.  You know that space that you are uncomfortable with when someone sits in it or stands in it.  I don't know if I was born with it or I developed it along the way.

I started noticing it after I had Dawn.  I could only handle having so much cuddle time, or in my space time.  After being pregnant several times I realized that I also had a I just want to be just me bubble.  Couldn't I just sit the baby next to me for awhile and quite the involuntary movements?  I started trying to find ways to shrink my bubble.  The hardest times seem to be when I was sitting in church and 3 or 4 of my children were crawling all over me.  I loved them, I just wanted my space.

Over the years I have had several opportunities to serve as a teacher, or a leader in different capacities.  That was when I discovered that I could shrink my bubble by reaching out and touching others when I didn't feel overwhelmed.  My bubble has shrunk considerably over the last 30 years.  I love cuddling and very rarely do I feel overwhelmed.  When I was pregnant with Julia I knew it would be the last time and I learned to enjoy every last kick and jab.  Having a small child come up and hug me is awesome.  Sometimes I even think I hug others and get into their bubbles.  I really  try hard not to though.  I still remember how uncomfortable it can be.

1 cent for 1 weed

When my children were small, they wanted to earn money.  So when I pulled weeds I would pay them 1 cent per weed with a root.  What they soon discovered was that they could pull 100 very small weeds quicker than they could pull 100 larger ones.  This actually worked out pretty well for me.  Pulling the smaller weeds kept them from becoming bigger weeds.  Also it kept smaller children from pulling the tops off of weeds they were too small to pull the roots of.  I just hate trying to pull a weed that had a very small top and a huge root because it's been chopped off previously.

I've discovered this works for most things that have to be done.  Six children and one mom can clean a room pretty quickly if each person only picks up 10 things and puts them away.  Pretty soon they discovered it was faster to pick up 10 pieces of trash and throw them away, or 10 pieces of laundry in front of the washer than a variety of things that I might have to redistribute later myself because it took too long for them to do. 

I am in the midst of sewing Julia a choir dress.  Part of this lesson for me has been.  Yesterday I washed and dried the fabric and read the pattern.  Today I cut out the pieces.  Tomorrow I will sew it together until the point where she can try it on and I can adjust the fit.  Hopefully by Friday we will have a finished dress. 

Just a little here and a little there, it all adds up eventually into a bigger picture. One hundred pennies equals a dollar, etc...  Also every little bit of assistance is appreciated. Something done by someone else is something I don't have to do. Thank you.

Horse Feathers!

Recently I heard the expression "Horse feathers" in a restaurant.  The older woman who used it was very cute.

I've heard lots of words used as exclamation points. Most of them make me cringe a little inside but this one made me smile.  My children have substituted similar words in places where others might use words that were more harsh.  The problem being the words they chose were similar sounding to the more popular words and sometimes if you are not listening carefully you might miss interpret.  There was no mistaking what the woman in the restaurant said.  It was so refreshing.

Over the years I have worked or just been places where the words used were harsh, crude or just not acceptable.  Generally I've chosen to be else where.  For awhile I heard the one that uses my Heavenly Father's name or his son's name as punctuation.  Then one day I caught myself right before I used that term myself.  I was surprised that I had even thought it, let alone used it.  I thought I had pretty good control over what came out of my mouth, but having heard it repeatedly it had snuck into my vocabulary. 

As I thought about it, I remembered that it is one of the big 10.  I would never consider killing anyone, so I should be capable of keeping an everyday commandment, like not using the Lord's name in vain.

I have since tried not to use words as punctuation.  If I need to though, I think horse feathers would be just fine.

What If?

If I could pick a theme song this would be it.  It is by Julie de Azevedo.

What If

What if I  loved the skin I'm in
Focused on beauty from with in
What if my spirit and my body lived in harmony
What if my grass was always green
Greener that any field I've seen
What if I celebrated the garden right in front of me

What if I loved the man I'm with
Not who he'll be but who he is
What if it loosed up the soil for more love to grow
What if I let my children be
Just who they are not what I need
What if I watched in wonder as their tender wings unfold


What if I laid the past to rest
Looking ahead not looking back
What if I savored every moment like it was my last
What if I wanted what you bring
Didn't long for the next big thing
What if I only lived the the peace and not for the thrill

What if I loved the life I'm living
What if I only wanted what I've been given

What if I gave you all my heart
Didn't hold back the slightest part
What if I lay it on the alter of your will

Driving tired

For 10 years on and off I worked nights.  Jack in the box, and then a long list of various paper routes.  During that time I learned some things about myself and driving tired.

I know I'm too tired when the light changes and my response time is lagging.  When I'm stopped at a stop sign waiting for it to change.  When I'm having trouble remembering what street I'm on or where I'm going, or better yet, where am I?.

Several things I learned is pulling over and doing 10 jumping jacks will give me 20 minutes of clear thinking.  Pepsi and Hostess cupcakes will perk me up enough to get me home.  Taking a short cat nap on the side of the road with the car, radio, and air conditioning all running.  This works great until a policeman decides to check to see if your ok and knocks on your window.  I was napping in the middle of no where, scared me to death almost. Then the adrenaline really is flowing.

Cristal was driving home last weekend and she called to chat so she would be more alert.  She and I had a nice chat while she wound her way through the Utah mountains home.

I'm sure there are more tricks, but my best advice is just be rested and aware when driving.