Independent vs Interdependent

During my reading I have found in myself a certain amount of fear.  I seem to have always been seeking to be independent, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.  In growing up I think we all seek these same things so we can set out on our journey away from our childhood homes.  There I was dependent for everything until learning skills to be out and about.

I sometimes view interdependence as a step back to allowing others to control, define, use or manipulate me.  I had to reread a statement that was very similar to this several times.  I recognized in it my fear of losing the independence I have gained.  It goes on to explain that to be truly interdependent we must be a mature independent person, knowing when to say no, how to listen and understand others, and not be threatened by the changes that happen when we interact and influence each other. I see in myself the need to have control. I  see the need to seek balance for control and interdependence.  Steven Covey states that when good interdependence happens success can be multiplied instead of just added upon.  It's a lot to roll around in my head.  Maybe I'll just let it ferment in my brain a few days.

What Am I?

I believe that what you do speaks louder than what you say.  I also believe that before someone can really hear what you have to say, that you need to have heard and sincerely wanted to listen to what they have to say. Taking this a step further, does what you are, your character, speak louder than your actions?  There is a maxim that goes, "Sow  a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny,"

I finished reading "The Seven Habits of Effective Teens"  written by the son, and have started reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" this one written by the father, Steven Covey.  This one is definitely a little more to the point.  So far I'm only on the second chapter.  It covers being dependent, independent, and interdependent.  It points out that the development of character is shaped by the habits that we choose to implement in our lives.  It also points out that not making the effort to form  better habits, could be just choosing  less desirable habits.

In belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we are taught to love our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ with all our hearts, obey and live the commandments, listen to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost, seek to love and serve those around us, and to develop talents and skills to become the best we can be.  All of these develop character. All of these become habits and I guess when they become easy to do, they are who we are.  The goal is to become a true disciple of Jesus Christ.

Nimrod

The past few months I've been studying the old testament. I came across Nimrod, grand son of Ham, great grand son of Noah.  You know, the one with the ark.  Well he wanted to persuade men not to believe in Christ or of God.  He also wanted to convince men that happiness was not found by keeping the commandments but by men's own courage.  He established his own cities and changed the government to one that produced an atmosphere where the people were brought under constant dependence on the government for everything.  Doing this he set himself up as their hero, or savior.  He was the one that instituted the building of the tower of Babel.  "Now the multitude were very ready to follow the determination of Nimrod, and to esteem it as a piece of cowardice to submit to God, and they built a tower, neither sparing any pains, nor being in any degree negligent about the work, and by  reason of the multitude of hands employed in it, it grew very high, sooner than anyone would expect, but the thickness of it was so great, and it was so strongly built, that thereby its great height seemed, upon the view, to be less than it really was.  It was built of burnt brick, cemented together with mortar, made of bitumen, that it might not be liable to admit water."

These things brought to mind where we are in this world today.  Are we living in a day when believing in God and Jesus Christ is thought of as a weakness?  Are we beginning to believe that we are not capable of caring for ourselves but that we should allow the government or laws to make more of our decisions?  Do we really believe that keeping the ten commandments leads to happiness or do we believe it restricts us? Are we humble enough to attribute all that we have as being a blessing from God or do we attribute it to the works of our hands?  Hopefully we stand firm in the belief in our Father In Heaven and in His son and that we are truly his children, capable of using our free agency to choose happiness.

Do our buildings reflect the general consensus?  During the 1800's churches were the largest buildings in a town, in the 1900's government buildings became the largest, and now towering over our government buildings are tall financial institutions.

Questions/Statements to Ponder

I've been reading Sean Covey's book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens".  In it he asks that they answer the following questions/statements.

1-Think of a person who made a positive difference in your life.  What qualities does that person have that you would like to develop?

2-Imagine 20 years from now, you are surrounded by the most important people in your life.  Who are they and what are you doing?

3-If a steel beam (6 inches wide) were placed across two skyscrapers, for what would you be willing to cross?  A Million dollars?  Your pet? Your brother? Fame? Think carefully....

4-If you could spend one day in a great library studying anything you wanted, what would you study?

5-List 10 things you love to do.  It could be singing, dancing, looking at magazines, drawing, reading, daydreaming, anything you absolutely love to do!

6-Describe a time when you were deeply inspired.

7-Five years from now, your local paper does a story about you and they want to interview three people, a parent, a brother or sister and a friend.  What would you want them to say about you?

8-Think of something that represents you... a rose, a song, an animal... Why does it represent you?

9-If you could spend an hour with any person who ever lived, who would that be?  Why that person? What would you ask?

10-Everyone has one or more talents.  Write down some of yours, being a good friend, making things happen, mechanical, accepting others, humorous, music, ect...

11-What are the three most important skills I need for my career?

12-Would I want to marry someone like me?

13-What is the key crossroad I am facing in my life right now?  In the long run, what is the best path to take?

14-Identify a negative label others may have given you.  Think up a few things you can do to change that label.

I filled out each of these questions/statements and discovered I was traveling on the path that I wanted to be on.  I only needed to tweak a few things to straighten out my path. Even at age 50 these were thought provoking, for me at least.

Rain

I love the rain!!!

It cleans the air.
It smells delicious.
The wind that normally comes with make sweet whispers in the pine trees around our home.
The soft pitter patter is comforting.
Lighting and thunder remind me of God, full of power and glory.
The flood that can come from the clouds is just amazing in it's fury.
Snow in its gentleness and pure whiteness is gorgeous.
Hail that sprinkles the ground is a wonder in its self.
The color of clouds is my favorite, especially with the light of the sun peaking through it.

Those Thoughts

Last Saturday Michael had a drive at PRI scheduled.  He was supposed to bring a certain piece of paper with him.  Over the course of the last few weeks he had this paper on the dresser in his closet, at work, in his car and in his office.

Well Saturday came and he could not find it.  I had been clearing piles of stuff away at a quicker pace than normal and I could just see that he thought I had thrown it out.  It became more and more frustrating for him.  Ben, Julia and I joined in the search.  After a few minutes I invited these two to kneel down in the living room and pray for the spirit to tell us where it was.

I went in my room to put on my shoes and socks.  As I was doing so the little thought came to me to look in a pile of paper I had not taken care of yet.  There it was.  I took it to Michael.  Then I invited the children to kneel with me again and thank Heavenly Father for the sweet spirit of the Holy Ghost.  He is amazing.

My Office

I'm finally admitting that maybe I might need an office for my various activities.  Filing, family history, photos, cd's, blog stuff, primary, bills and yes, email.  I had attempted to make a spot in Michael's office but he is into so many different activities he needs his own office.

At one time I had an area in the family room where I had most of my stuff.  Yesterday I decided to organize my primary stuff (Andy Kay emptied my large filing box into a large pile).  It forced me to look at how I was storing my stuff.  I spent the afternoon and my evening throwing out, refiling, and redefining my area.  This morning I moved both my computers and most of the family history back into this area.  I did have to child proof it somewhat to protect my library of records.

Now here I sit.  The computer is up and running, that in its self is a miracle. I have a comfortable chair.  I can see and access everything, and there was still room for chairs, tables and serving ware.  I might be a little more efficient, at least that is the hope.  D & C 88 states that we should be organized and that it invites the Spirit of the Holy Ghost. I sure could use more of his assistance.  We'll see what happens.

Planter Fasciitis

Last June I was in the mountains with Michael and the trailer.  He went to take a shower and while he was gone I finished hooking up the trailer.  Easy, everything is electric, no lifting involved.  Success, soon we were on our way home.  Michael drove.

When I went to step out of the truck I realized that I could hardly walk on my left foot.  Well I'm getting older and figured that during the hooking up of the trailer I must have pulled a muscle.  The last time I pulled a muscle it took 3 months to heal. ( I was pushing the refrigerator across the kitchen that time.)  I waited, babied it and still it stayed the same.  Sometimes I didn't notice it and other times all I wanted to do was to sit down.  During this time I kept having a thought to put a piece of 2 X 4 in the kitchen and stretch my calf every time I went through that room.  I ignored it.

Well at Little Philmont someone asked me if I was going to go on a hike while I was there.  Nope.  Then I explained about my foot.  Her husband went on to explain that something very similar had happened to him and that it was caused by the calf shortening and then pulling on the tendons in the foot.  Stretching was the answer he said.  Low and behold,  his advice is helping slowly but surely.  I should have listened to that thought about the 2 X 4.  You think I would know by now about those thoughts.

Finally Edible Cookies

Thank you Dawn!!!  I have many talents, one of which is making bread.  My cookie making skills have been rather sad though. 

Dawn on the other had makes the most delicious deserts.  By the way so do my other daughters, but Dawn's chocolate chip cookie skills are the ones that I have been envying.  After years of enjoying the fruits of her labors I may have finally mastered the skill.  She has a talent in this department,  I on the other hand have a skill.

I have added that little extra flour and finally stay right by the stove waiting until just the edges are just starting to brown.  If I go a step further and freeze them, my husband loves them.  Thank you, thank you.  I am learning so much from my children.  I thank Heavenly Father every day for each of them, and for my husband too!

Someday I am going to ask Chelsey to share her cheesecake secrets.

My Personal Paradigm

I've always had a strong attachment to a particular grandma.  I've often wondered why this particular one.  I've always known that she was the one who taught me that I was a princess.  I was never afraid to let her see the whole me, faults, sins, ect.  No matter what, she had a way of making me feel like I was alright just like I was.  This made me feel like I just wanted to be the best me ever.  I called her and no matter what the conversation she helped me feel better about myself.  She passed to the other side sometime ago.  I miss her. 

I've been reading one of Sean Covey's books, "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens".  In it he talks about the glasses we wear that give us our personal perception of ourselves and the world around us.  He states that most successful people will tell you that they had a person who believed in them, who nourished them, gave them advice, and would wipe your glasses clean, when you dirtied them with negativity.  I think that she was that person for me.

He attributes this thought to an unknown author, "If you could envision the type of person God intended you to be, you would rise up and never be the same again."  Sometimes I see a glimpse of the person I could be, and it always happens when I am serving someone unconditionally.  I thank him daily for the opportunity each day to be a better me.  I hope to someday make someone else find the prince or princess within.  Hopefully I can remember more on a daily basis that down inside I am still one myself.

Just a little weary.

It seems lately that I just seem to be dragging.  Dragging myself out of bed, dragging myself to the car, dragging myself to do housework, sew, play on the floor,  just dragging along.  As I'm dragging along I'm sorting what seems today like endless piles.  One of these piles was the one next to my bed where I tend to gather lots of varied reading material. 

I opened a magazine to sort through it.  My idea of sorting a magazine is to pull out the pages that I'm interested in and file them until needed.  It works for me and has helped me control my own personal paper mess.  This particular magazine had an article about being tired.  It listed these as the possible causes:  lack of exercise (I think I'm probably back above 10,000 steps a day),  needing a nap (took one and it is correct in stating that more than 20 minutes is worse than none at all),  stress ( is that ever an option?), winter darkness, (nope still wearing sunscreen every day because of car pool),  and this last one was something called boredout as compared to burnout.  "We know about burnout, from doing too much, but there's also 'boredout,' caused by doing too little.  The longer you're bored, the less energy you have and the more likely that this temporary feeling can become permanent." 

So am I just running too slow a circle or maybe I need a new circle.  I still strongly believe boredom is a choice made by the person who is bored.  I'd better get busy.

Food As Eye Candy

Peter Calahan wrote a book called bite by bite.  It is delicious, not only to the taste but to the eye.
He is a chef and party planner specializing in small food.  It is full of fun ideas, mini hot dogs, mini hamburgers, mac and cheese canapes, baked beans in bacon cups, and on and on.  I started reading it and decided that I may have to try a few of his creations. 

I have spent 36 months of my life throwing food up and it has been just a way to sustain my physical body.  Over the last five or so years though I have been taking more of an interest in making food have taste, and now I think I may be looking into making it pretty or cute.

On one of the more recent school breaks I treated the grand children to octopus (hot dogs) on see weed (green top ramin).  Sure enough they ate dinner and it was fun to play with the food.  There are so many ways to explore this world and enjoy each other's company.  Isn't life great?!!! 

Avacodo Tree

The first two years of my married life, we lived in Texas.  While there I managed to spout an avocado seed and it had become a small tree.  Then we decided to move ( the first week in February).  Everything was packed into a small u-haul and our two cars.  I had Dawn, her large stuffed lion and the avocado tree. 

The week we decide to move a large ice storm hit.  We traveled through the snow and ice.  We stopped to spend the night at a motel and the next morning the on ramp to the interstate was so slippery that Michael's car could not pull the u-haul up, so we had to hire a tow truck to get us to the top.  I held my breath that morning as I watched the u-haul slide sideways under every over pass where the ice had not melted.  We both drove in the tracks left by the semi trucks making our way back to Arizona.

Once past Dallas the roads got better and then finally we came to the Arizona border and the agriculture check stop. The man at the station asked if we had any plants or produce to declare.  I stated that I only had a little avocado tree.  He checked in the back of my car and all I had left was a stick.  He smiled and said that I could pass.  I guess a stick does not qualify as a plant.  In Texas it had froze, and then in New Mexico it had baked a little.

I have tried many times to sprout another and have not been successful till now.  There is a little seed in the window of my room with just the tiniest root.  A hope of things to come if I will just tend and guard it.  We will see.  Adventure sometimes comes with casualties, but love and tender care can repair most anything.

Does Effort Matter?

I have been traveling through Salt Lake City all of my life.  I have cousins that live in Utah and my mother and grandmother traveled there once or twice a year while I was growing up.  From the interstate you can see the Salt Lake Temple.  Growing up I always wanted to go inside.

Many times my family stopped at Temple Square to visit,  my favorite spot was sitting at the feet of the Christos in the visitors center.  For those who may read this who have not been there, it is on the second floor.  You can get there by climbing a long ramp with a mural of the universe surrounding you.  The feeling of being insignificant in a large universe is brought to mind.  Then you enter a room that is two stories high, with a wall of windows and the Christos.  It is a great place to ponder and be grateful for everything he has done for us.

After I had a temple recommend, the opportunity to visit Salt Lake happened.  I took my small children and visited temple square.   I had no place to leave them to attend the temple.  So I went back to my friend's house where we were staying and asked if she would mind if I got up and went to the 5:30 am session while my children slept the next morning.  

I left her home at 4:30 to make the drive from her house.  It was still dark when I entered the building.  It was magnificent.  I still remember the feeling of reverence that I felt that morning.  As I sat in the Celestial room and enjoyed the beauty of my surroundings, it seemed to me that the feeling was stronger because I had made the extra effort to be there so early.  Also that everyone else in the building had sacrificed to be there too.  Effort or Sacrifice does matter.  It invites the spirit to strengthen and lift you up.

Piles or prioities?

I have been accused of creating piles.  Not just a few but all over the house.  What I am finding though is that I only have a few piles, the rest are there as an attempt of others to help straighten out a living house.  By that I mean that you can set down just about anything in this house and someone else will pick it up and move it.  Maybe not far, but move it to a different location.

When everything is put away I can find it speedily.  Most of the time when I am finished a project I put every item back, just because I know it won't stay where I set it.  Also there are a variety of small people that stay here often so I am constantly looking for things that might be a danger. 

I find that on a daily basis I put away a few piles every day.  Sort the papers, pay the bills,  throw out trash, put the toys in the correct bins, place clothing in the owner's room, finish projects that are waiting their turn, ect.  So I am not going to take total responsibility for all the piles.  A crying baby, grown up children on the phone and a husband that needs to have someone to hold a light while he works on a car will aways triumph over something that could go into a temporary pile until tomorrow.  People first, stuff second, and a well ordered house that is always a work in progress.

Remembering Smell

I just finished reading a book entitled, "Remembering Smell".  It is an account of a woman who lost her sense of smell for about a year.  In the beginning she did not know if she would ever get it back.  So she started a journey of research into what smell means not only to her but to the world around her.

At first she was devastated and could not function.  Surprisingly people that suffer from anosmia, the total loss of smell, loose so many things unseen by others.  They become depressed and their world goes from color to black and white.  Smell fills in so many blanks.  She discusses the science of smell, how the brain works, how memories are brought back to recall,  how it influences weight loss and gain,  and how enthusiasm for life can diminish. 

It was very enlightening.  I find myself enjoying my ability to smell the flowers, rain, and just a clean house.  There are so many things we take for granted and smell could be one of the biggest.  Even when we don't recognize it our nose never takes a break.  It colors and enriches everything we experience in this world.

Dinner and It's Issues

I know dinner is important.  We need to eat, but also we need to gather.  So much of our schedules vary from day to day and from season to season.  There is summer, school, activities, programs and their rehearsals, vacations, and meetings.  There does not seem to be a consistent time allotted just for dinner.

Every so often I make the effort to reestablish dinner as it should be.  That brings me to now, where I am  trying again.  Six seems to be the moment when most of those that live here breeze in and then out of our home.  I struggle to have something prepared because I am not always here before that time.   A part of me keeps saying that this is an important issue and not to give in to the rush of life.   I am getting better at using the crock pot and assigning others to finish what I may have started earlier.

There is something that says "Welcome home, you are important to me.",  when there are plates on the table and the smell of something to fill your tummy.  I do think it is worth the struggle.  At the table more conversations take place, unlike gathering around the television. 

Boys and their toys.

Saturday, Michael and I went with Rachael, Dusty, and Shawn to Glamis.

My feet still are not happy so I rode with Dusty in the Manx.  It was a lot of fun.

Something I hadn't done before was go to the sand drags.  I was under the impression that there would be someone in charge to start and stop people.  No way!!!

Spectators line up and park on each side of the designated area and then let the organized chaos begin.

We were parked close to the starting point.  Here bikes, sand rails, regular trucks, and an assortment of odd vehicles just stand on the throttle and go.  Sometimes they are 4-6 wide, sometimes alone but it's just go when ever you are ready and drive like the wind, or throw sand as high as you can and then drive like the wind.There were no boring gaps,  they just run to the end and then calmly drive back to the start and do it again. 

 Awesome!!!

  I did find that I still prefer the low rumble of an 8 cylinder compared to the wine of some of the foreign jobs.  Not a big fan of the turbo sound either.  I just like the low rumble of power that implies it can shake the ground you're standing on.

Interesting observation.  There were only 7 women drivers, the rest were men or boys.  Some by themselves, some with guy friends and a few with women passengers.  Michael said it looked like they were hanging on in fear.  Drivers come in all sizes, ages, and dressed up and down.  Some vehicles were clean and shiny and some were just worn out shells with monster motors.

I defiantly prefer this over the slow pace of the drags on Ironwood.

Points of View

I just finished reading "The Summer We Read Gatsby".  It was about two half sisters brought together to settle the affairs of their eccentric aunt.  It was an interesting, in that it brought the two girls together after an extended period of time to enlarge their points of view on the people they loved. 

Now that I'm older I have conversations with those that have experienced the past with me.  Not only am I getting to know them better and loving them more, I am coming to understand things that as a child I had only seen from a child's point of view. 

In this story the two sisters grow closer and learn to enjoy each others uniqueness.  One is sensible and shy, the other artistic and extravagant.  At first they get on each other's nerves but each brings the other something new to think about.  They discover things as they are sorting about other family members and come to learn not to judge.  They find there is much more to the web of life that surrounds them than they had ever supposed.

I love family, the past, present and those things hoped for in the future.

Forget Me Nots

In October 2011 Dieter F Uchtodorf gave a wonderful talk on forget me not flowers.

He explained their meaning and history.

Then he challenged us to use them as a symbol to remember these five principals.

•  First, forget not to be patient with yourself.  We sometimes are more generous with others in this respect than with ourselves.  Life is our time to improve.  God knows that we are not perfect.
• Second, forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice.  Ask yourself the question, "Am I committing my time and energies to the things that matter most?".
• Third, forget not to be happy now.  The lesson here was that if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.
• Fourth, forget not the "why" of the gospel.  The gospel of Jesus Christ is not an obligation; it is a pathway, marked by our loving Father in Heaven, leading to happiness and peace in this life and glory and inexpressible fulfillment in the life to come.  The gospel is the light that penetrates mortality and illuminates the way before us.
• Fifth, forget not that the Lord loves you.  God loves you because you are His child.  He loves you even though at times you may feel lonely or make mistakes.

This was the talk I've decided to focus on for the next six months. 

 My goal is to become a better and more attentive visiting teacher.

Fingernails

Fingernails are the greatest invention ever.  They can:
         
          open locked doors (at my house)

          pick up straight pins off the floor or pull them out of fabric as you sew

          part hair that has gone astray on a small children's heads

          push that little tiny button that changes the source on my car radio
  
          grab that screw that just keeps getting away

          make music on any hard surface

          be painted for fancy hand jewelry

          and not last, but today's use- wall paper and glue remover

You are more than welcome to leave any uses you have for them in the comment box.
Thanks.
I'm sure there are some very creative uses out there.

       

Bermuda

I love Bermuda grass.  Sure it dies during the winter but with a little TLC back it comes when it warms up.

When we bought our house the owners had not watered the plants consistently for a year or so.  This caused a lot of stress on the plants.  Then I came and it was not much better.  Over time I lost many of the trees.  There were 17 trees on this lot. Some of them died because they were eucalyptus and became sick and full of termites.  The citrus died because I just did not give them enough attention.  The pine trees out front were butchered by the neighbors and so we pulled them.  There were three trees/bushes full of blue berries out front that attracted flies like crazy.  I pulled them out just to maintain my sanity.  (House full of children and flies, no, no ,no.)

We added soil to the front yard and then laid sod down after installing a sprinkler system.  We also planted the apple trees, the grape vines and a few rose bushes.  All of this gets watered on a timer so no matter how distracted I am they survive.  Before the timer is was feast or famine.  I would forget to water or it was running down the street two blocks away.

In the back the children have dug and rearranged the dirt to their whims.  Sometimes with my permission and sometimes without.  We rototilled it one year, Emilee did it.  Then we watered and mostly weeds came up.  Then last winter I put a timer on the back spicit to water a small garden.  Julia and my project.  It leaks a little and lo and behold, here comes the Bermuda. 

Last weekend we moved the garden and re situated it.  We are using the weed eater to mow the grass down it is so tall.  Maybe over the winter we can install a small sprinkler to water some grass to play on.  The children love the dirt but I love the feel of a little grass. I just have to keep in mind to balance my love of grass with my love of a small water bill.

Good Things

There are so many good things to occupy ourselves with.  It seems it is no longer a choice between doing good things or bad things but choosing between two good things.

Emma Smith stated that the good things were to increase faith, strengthen our home, and seek out others.  Lots of activities fit under these categories.  Occasionally I find myself running from one good thing to another, totally wearing myself out.  Worse yet, I make a list of all the good things I want to do and then review the list, only noting the things I didn't get to. 

Martha Stewart used to post 1 good thing a day on her web site.  I learned lots of creative things.  The best one was how to fold a t-shirt so my husband wouldn't have to unfold his whole drawer to find the one he wanted.  Definitely a good thing, it has saved me lots of refolding time.

Now part of my morning prayer is to let me listen carefully to promptings so that I can choose the good thing I should be doing.  Each day is a blessing in time.

Peter's denial

During conference I heard the story of Peter's denial of Christ in one of the talks.  It brought back to my mind that I'm not sure that I truly understand  and that there may be more that one interpretation of the story. 

In Mark 14:27,29-30 it states, "And Jesus saith unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd and the sheep shall be scattered.
But Peter said unto him, Although all shall be offended, yet will not I.
And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this day, in in this night, before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice."

I often have heard the story painting Peter as a coward.  What if Jesus was commanding them to deny him to preserve the leadership in his church so that his sheep would not be scattered. 

Remember Peter was the one who ventured out onto the turbulent sea to walk on water.  He was the one who took a soldier's sword and smote off the soldier's  ear.  He was to become the president of the Church of Jesus Christ after Christ's departure.  So what if Jesus was commanding him to deny him and then giving him a time frame by which to follow.  There is a part of me that feels that he was not afraid of death and that he would have done anything for his friend and Savior.  Was he weeping afterwards because he was ashamed or because he wanted stand up with Jesus?

Just a thought.

Minions

I've been watching quite a few shows with my grandchildren.  In them I find a reoccurring thought or word.  Minion, they use it to label the side kick of main characters.

In Spy Kids 1, Minion is the name of Floop's scientist, friend, and partner in crime.  In the end he turns against Floop and then Floop inprisions him.  In Despicable Me, the bad guy has a whole group of minions who love him for who he really is.  In Mega Mind, we find Minion the fish.  He is his true pet and friend.  He states his sole purpose in life is to look after Mega Mind.  This he does even after he is rejected.

Out with the Dictionary and the Thesaurus.  Minion, right hand man, man Friday, henchman, and myrmidon are all synonyms.  One of the definitions in the dictionary was "a favorite, a darling, one who gains favor by flattery or adulation".  In one way or another it would seem it fits all three of the above characters.

In the end each of these villains finds power in doing good and loving others.  Their minions follow suit. Just an observation.

Words

Sometimes I hear a word and wonder what it's meaning could really be.  I use the sentence clues and most of the time can figure out unfamiliar words.  Then there are the times when I just want to know what the defined meanings are.

Long ago I purchased a 1836 Noah Webster's Dictionary.  The insides were inserted upside down or I would not have been able to purchase it. I know there are many different dictionaries but I wanted one that was pretty close to the meanings I would find in the King James Version of the Bible and the Book of Mormon. The meanings and use of words change over time and I wanted to know the intent of the translator of that time.

What I discovered is that words during that time period had much broader meanings and uses.  For instance the word love fills one and one half columns in a book 12 X 8 regular print, three columns wide.  I used to own a set of old encyclopedias for the reason that it listed more theories on scientific thought that just the the popular ones.  Yes, many of these theories have since been proven wrong but the thinking behind them is interesting.

There is so much to learn and think about.  Hopefully my limited vocabulary won't hold me back.  Much of my daily routine takes very little thought.  I love being able to think and to ponder, even if it's only about the meanings of a single word.

The List

General Conference starts tomorrow.  When I was a child I loved to watch because of the way it made me feel.  As a teenager though I sat listening making an impossible list of things I needed to improve.  It became discouraging after making the list and then failing at trying to change everything.  It was like making a bunch of New Year's Resolutions twice a year.

Now I approach it in a more satisfying way.  First I buy about 150 mini candy bars. (I don't eat all of them myself.)  Then I get my comfortable clothes on, a pencil and paper.  Then I say a prayer to hear the one thing I should work on for the next six months and enjoy the rest.  For me the decision to approach it in this manner has made my experience so much more enjoyable.

The speakers are inspiring and the spirit of the meetings are full of love and appreciation.  I admit I have my favorites, but it's also nice when someone I'm not familiar with shares a message.  I love conference and someday would like to go and sit in the conference center.  I want to live a gospel centered life, but I'm only a child still.  Watching, learning, listening, feeling and hopefully changing for the better.

Time/Relationships

I'm at a point today where my want to do list out reaches my energy.  Time for me is always too short.  I have this on going list that never ends.  I'm never board because I create more to do.  I can easily spend time doing chores and be happy.  I can wander a store with my daughter and not buy anything and be happy.  I can rock the baby and snuggle and be happy.  I can drive to no place in particular and be happy.  Unfortunately most days are filled with long lists of things to do and places to be.

In the over all picture though I think the best use of my time is with the people I love.  Pulling weeds with my children afforded me time.  Time to do a chore, feel the earth in my hands and be with my children.  Sometimes they were not too happy to be there, but after a while they would settle in and do the job.  It was nice to chat and just be.  Sometimes it was very warm and they couldn't get  it done soon enough.  But it was still time.

Last winter I was out back pulling some weeds and Kristopher came out to find me.  Soon he was helping me and we had a very good conversation.  I don't remember what we talked about but I do remember how it felt.  I was glad to be there. 

I hope I can find more opportunities to be available to those I love.  They are all so wonderful and unique.

Shrinking My Bubble

Some how I started out my married life with a rather large bubble.  You know that space that you are uncomfortable with when someone sits in it or stands in it.  I don't know if I was born with it or I developed it along the way.

I started noticing it after I had Dawn.  I could only handle having so much cuddle time, or in my space time.  After being pregnant several times I realized that I also had a I just want to be just me bubble.  Couldn't I just sit the baby next to me for awhile and quite the involuntary movements?  I started trying to find ways to shrink my bubble.  The hardest times seem to be when I was sitting in church and 3 or 4 of my children were crawling all over me.  I loved them, I just wanted my space.

Over the years I have had several opportunities to serve as a teacher, or a leader in different capacities.  That was when I discovered that I could shrink my bubble by reaching out and touching others when I didn't feel overwhelmed.  My bubble has shrunk considerably over the last 30 years.  I love cuddling and very rarely do I feel overwhelmed.  When I was pregnant with Julia I knew it would be the last time and I learned to enjoy every last kick and jab.  Having a small child come up and hug me is awesome.  Sometimes I even think I hug others and get into their bubbles.  I really  try hard not to though.  I still remember how uncomfortable it can be.

1 cent for 1 weed

When my children were small, they wanted to earn money.  So when I pulled weeds I would pay them 1 cent per weed with a root.  What they soon discovered was that they could pull 100 very small weeds quicker than they could pull 100 larger ones.  This actually worked out pretty well for me.  Pulling the smaller weeds kept them from becoming bigger weeds.  Also it kept smaller children from pulling the tops off of weeds they were too small to pull the roots of.  I just hate trying to pull a weed that had a very small top and a huge root because it's been chopped off previously.

I've discovered this works for most things that have to be done.  Six children and one mom can clean a room pretty quickly if each person only picks up 10 things and puts them away.  Pretty soon they discovered it was faster to pick up 10 pieces of trash and throw them away, or 10 pieces of laundry in front of the washer than a variety of things that I might have to redistribute later myself because it took too long for them to do. 

I am in the midst of sewing Julia a choir dress.  Part of this lesson for me has been.  Yesterday I washed and dried the fabric and read the pattern.  Today I cut out the pieces.  Tomorrow I will sew it together until the point where she can try it on and I can adjust the fit.  Hopefully by Friday we will have a finished dress. 

Just a little here and a little there, it all adds up eventually into a bigger picture. One hundred pennies equals a dollar, etc...  Also every little bit of assistance is appreciated. Something done by someone else is something I don't have to do. Thank you.

Horse Feathers!

Recently I heard the expression "Horse feathers" in a restaurant.  The older woman who used it was very cute.

I've heard lots of words used as exclamation points. Most of them make me cringe a little inside but this one made me smile.  My children have substituted similar words in places where others might use words that were more harsh.  The problem being the words they chose were similar sounding to the more popular words and sometimes if you are not listening carefully you might miss interpret.  There was no mistaking what the woman in the restaurant said.  It was so refreshing.

Over the years I have worked or just been places where the words used were harsh, crude or just not acceptable.  Generally I've chosen to be else where.  For awhile I heard the one that uses my Heavenly Father's name or his son's name as punctuation.  Then one day I caught myself right before I used that term myself.  I was surprised that I had even thought it, let alone used it.  I thought I had pretty good control over what came out of my mouth, but having heard it repeatedly it had snuck into my vocabulary. 

As I thought about it, I remembered that it is one of the big 10.  I would never consider killing anyone, so I should be capable of keeping an everyday commandment, like not using the Lord's name in vain.

I have since tried not to use words as punctuation.  If I need to though, I think horse feathers would be just fine.

What If?

If I could pick a theme song this would be it.  It is by Julie de Azevedo.

What If

What if I  loved the skin I'm in
Focused on beauty from with in
What if my spirit and my body lived in harmony
What if my grass was always green
Greener that any field I've seen
What if I celebrated the garden right in front of me

What if I loved the man I'm with
Not who he'll be but who he is
What if it loosed up the soil for more love to grow
What if I let my children be
Just who they are not what I need
What if I watched in wonder as their tender wings unfold


What if I laid the past to rest
Looking ahead not looking back
What if I savored every moment like it was my last
What if I wanted what you bring
Didn't long for the next big thing
What if I only lived the the peace and not for the thrill

What if I loved the life I'm living
What if I only wanted what I've been given

What if I gave you all my heart
Didn't hold back the slightest part
What if I lay it on the alter of your will

Driving tired

For 10 years on and off I worked nights.  Jack in the box, and then a long list of various paper routes.  During that time I learned some things about myself and driving tired.

I know I'm too tired when the light changes and my response time is lagging.  When I'm stopped at a stop sign waiting for it to change.  When I'm having trouble remembering what street I'm on or where I'm going, or better yet, where am I?.

Several things I learned is pulling over and doing 10 jumping jacks will give me 20 minutes of clear thinking.  Pepsi and Hostess cupcakes will perk me up enough to get me home.  Taking a short cat nap on the side of the road with the car, radio, and air conditioning all running.  This works great until a policeman decides to check to see if your ok and knocks on your window.  I was napping in the middle of no where, scared me to death almost. Then the adrenaline really is flowing.

Cristal was driving home last weekend and she called to chat so she would be more alert.  She and I had a nice chat while she wound her way through the Utah mountains home.

I'm sure there are more tricks, but my best advice is just be rested and aware when driving.

Atmosphere and Feelings

There are many ways to create atmosphere but here I just want to talk about music.

Years ago when we started having foster children I realized that I could not handle the music that they introduced into our house.  It felt really dark and oppressive.   In trying to be fair I asked them to not play their music so others could hear it and I stopped playing mine except in my car.  After we stopped fostering I had just gotten out of the habit of having it in our home.

Then one day I was cleaning and I just put on some music that I loved.  The house house seemed to feel fun.  I decided then that I needed to have uplifting music.  So then I started collecting music that made me feel good.  Some of it is Country, Jazz, New Age, Old Rock, and whatever Cake is.  There is some religious, romantic, soft, loud,  and just fun stuff.  I try to stay away from the angry, hate filled, depressing, roll in pity, or extra sad stuff.  I also try to avoid music that I would not want my grandchildren singing.  Small children singing suggestive words just bothers me.

I love music. I love to sing.  I love to direct (especially children, we are singing for grandparents on Sunday).  I love to try to play it on instruments.  I love to dance to it.  I love to watch others perform with it.  It is a great way to create good feelings when the rest just feels heavy.  Music is a great way to brighten any day.

Light or Darkness?

I recently finished reading a book called "The Message".  I enjoyed it but it started me thinking and considering the experiences that I have had and the experiences that people I know have had.

Several times I have had the opportunity to be present when someone passes from this life to the next.  Also I have several friends who have died and been brought back.

One did not believe there was anything after death and experienced only a peaceful darkness.  Another had a very special conversation with someone she loved.

There is a line of thinking that states that you only will find what you hope for.  So if you only hope for this life and don't look for a light, will you just rest in the peaceful darkness?  If you know to look will you find more?

Lately there seems to be controversy over believing and hoping.  I believe what Alma taught.  Faith is a seed that you plant.  When you act upon that hope, feelings and experiences strengthen that faith.  Then you hope for more growing and increasing your faith as you act on those things hoped for.  If someone doesn't want to believe, I'm fine with that.  I just don't understand why be upset over what some else believes or not?

Moses tried to get his people to look, just look, at a staff and be healed.  It was not hard but there were those who refused to even raise their eyes and peek.

Is this life not made better by believing that loving each other is the way to happiness?  Hopefully I can continue to learn how to love.  If I can encourage someone to hope for something better that might be OK too.

Pride or Fear?

There's something about food and parties I just don't get about myself.  I've been thinking about it the last few days.

When I was Relief Society President I had no problem asking for help.  Funerals, new babies, families at Christmas,  the ladies of my ward just stepped right up and filled the need.

Now let me throw a reception for one of my girls and I just can't seem to get it together about the kitchen.  I had lots of offers to help and I just say thank you.  I don't know why.  Everyone is so willing.  I'm worry that I might be asking too much.

This time I did ask several people and they came through, so I thought I was doing better.  Then I stood in the receiving line and worried.  Was I working them too hard?  The forks were not where they could be found, so the cut cake was delayed.  Thank you Heidi for checking on the progress of the cake.  Denise and Jenea came through the line and asked if I needed anything.  I asked them to check the kitchen and they stayed. I'm afraid I ran my best friend Pamela ragged and her husband more than anyone.  I  worried about Chelsey and Kerry and Julia helped her.  It's not that I don't want help I'm just so ???  I hope the guests had a good time but it was only because my friends stepped in and filled in the gaps.

My heart is full and hopefully I'll figure this one out before I have to do it again.

Little glimpses of Heaven

The sunrise on September 15, 2011, looking at the Superstition mountains at 6:30, the light and clouds were perfect. 

The giggle of a baby over the soft feel of cat's fur.

The cat climbing my jeans to see if he can help with the dishes.

Girls giggling while they do hair and makeup.

Clear spring water falling over rocks.

Boys working together to complete a project or just playing games.

A daughter standing between the two men she loves the most.

Faces that glow with the joy of knowing.

Snow falling from the sky softly in the silent forest.

A boy playing with his dog.

My husband's hand holding mine.

The smile two people exchange when they read each other's minds.

The sound of the wind through pine trees.

Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

The unexpected hug.

The sound and feel of a 454.

The song or remembrance that brings to mind someone you love.

...

That darn mirror!!!

While preparing for Emilee's wedding I had to go to the store.  There I tried on a piece of clothing.  Let me tell you I did not like what I saw. Maybe I should explain.

Mirrors have not been a big part of my life.  When I started having babies the mirror in our apartment only showed my face.  A little rounder.  We lived in Texas and let me tell you straight, straggly hair does not do well in high humidity.  When we moved back to Arizona we still only had that bathroom mirror only a little wider.  It was ok, my hair was a little more manageable. 

Somewhere in time my mental image of myself is frozen.  I'm ok, not too round, not too skinny, pretty ordinary.  Mirrors change all that.  Last year I took the bathroom mirror down to the glass shop and had them cut it down.  I did not want to see myself when I stepped out of the shower.  I feel much better with decorative fabric covering.  Mirrors show me the sparkly hairs popping up all over.  They remind me that I should pop in and take a look before I run out the door with mascara lines under my eyes, or lipstick on my teeth. 

Mirrors can be useful, but let me tell you the discomfort I felt at the store made me want to run the other direction.  I've always been a believer that if you felt good you are fine.  I try to apply that to myself as well.  Funny thing I don't think about how much someone weighs until they drop a lot of weight and then I only hope they are well.

Needless to say I did not purchase anything. 

Perspective, mine or yours?

A weed to me may not be a weed to you, or vise versa.  A few years ago a man in Apache Junction was told to get the weeds out of his front yard.  It was covered in beautiful desert wild flowers.  I thought, "What are they thinking?". When I started pulling the weeds last month I was thinking about how could we just keep mowing down this mess.  But when it was mowed it did look nice and green and filled in.  With the tops off, from the street it just looked green. 

I grew up with family members that smoked.  It just was how it was.  Over time the majority of them have quit and it is unpopular with most of the people I know.  Well a few years ago I had the opportunity to go and visit my dad.  I took Benjamin and Julia with me.  My dad is a chain smoker and I wanted to prepare them because we don't smoke in our home.  I wanted them to be polite and to understand that we all  choose and that we would be visiting HIS home.  He's been smoking since he was a teenager and for him it's just part of his life.  I have discouraged my children from smoking for various reasons but I still want them to respect others.

I love to swim.  When I was little we swam in ditches, cow ponds, lakes, rivers, and sometimes even pools.  I have met others who would never think about getting in water that had chemicals in it, manure, fish remains, ect.  Now that I'm older some of these places have become unacceptable to me for swimming in.  Knowledge has helped me see the weeds more clearly.

So I guess a weed is what you see it as.  That may change over time, but beware some weeds are out to get you.  Once you learn something is a true weed you should pull it.  I love my dad, but smoking does make his life harder, and it's roots run deep.  I really would like him to be with us as long as possible.

What's In A Name?

When I was born my parents let my Nonnie name me Ginger.  For the most part I've liked my name.  At first in school it was an easy name to tease but it didn't seem to bother me too much so it just stopped.  Because of my name I was very careful when naming my children, trying to stay away from names that others could use to be unkind.  Didn't work, people are either kind or not.  When they are not they can be very creative in what they can smear a name into. 

As I grew older and married I acquired other names and the use of Ginger dropped off.  There were even a few years where I heard it very seldom.  I didn't even realize it until one day in the church hallway someone called me Ginger.  I was so surprised that someone knew my given name.  I had been Sister Gillespie to everyone at church.  Mom was my name for those who were born into our home.  Judy is the name my mother calls me.  (It is a complement, Judy is her favorite sister)  Who was the name my future mother in law knew me as.  (My boyfriend's sense of humor)  Bounce to my best friend in high school. I had trouble just walking up the stairs at school.

I love to hear my name when my husband uses it, which isn't often by the way.  I'm more frequently called WOMAN,  a term of endearment.  Some women find it demeaning but I like being his woman.

The last 13 or so years I've been grandma Gillespie.  It makes me think of Mike's mom who I'll never measure up to.  Granny, which reminds me of Teddy's mom Grammy, wonderful woman.  Lately there has been talk of calling me Gigi.  Please no that brings to mind an old woman in a mini skirt and gogo boots.  I kind of like mimi, but who knows.  It's just a name.  My email is Gingembre which is Ginger in french where my father's family is from.

My name is what I want to make of it.  It has been the name of many dogs, strippers, and a character on Gilligan's Island.  It seems to suit me just fine.  We'll figure out what the grandchildren will call me later.  As long as they know I love them what does it matter?

IQ

Last evening Emilee and I attended a Relief Society dinner/meeting with the theme "Marriage".  There we enjoyed dinner, a lesson and then a game.  The sisters in charge had given several husbands in our ward questionnaires, then their wives were called on to find out who could match their husband's answers.  It was very entertaining.

One of the queries went like this:  "Your husband was asked which of you is smarter?"  My first thought was my husband, then after a second moment I decided neither of us.  Sure we could take a test on a given subject and measure our knowledge on the subject.  But, how often when faced with a problem have we consulted with someone else for a fresh perspective or with more experience?  Have you ever had a child simply state the obvious in a way that was refreshing and mind tickling?  Has someone you know who doesn't operate well on electronic gadgets offered up a gem of wisdom? Abraham was shown the intelligences (us) before the world was organized and we obtained our physical bodies.  In my opinion intelligence is infinitely varied.

Back to the question.  Michael is by far the smartest.  He passed chemistry never opening the book, but by osmosis.  He can tell you the vin # of our first car.  He can reassemble hundreds of tiny pieces to make something that works.  Me on the other hand, have to study to pass a test.  I need to do something over and over to retain it and if I stop doing it for a month or so I need to start over. I do have unlimited curiosity and when boredom sets in I look for something to fill the void.  This is why I am KE7VZI,  have a CDL, love a good mystery and can work a paf program forwards and backwards, even trick it if need be.  Not bad for someone who is mostly computer illiterate.

I find it exciting to realize how much I don't know and how much there is to learn about and explore.  One of the best things is trying to see something you experience through someone else's eyes.  For me it's one way to stay humble and balanced.

Why?

My friend Reesa and I were talking a few months ago.  She was showing me how to slurp up my blog into a book.  Our conversation took a turn towards my thoughts on the things I had learned from pulling weeds in my yard.  She said maybe I should write them down and share them.  Well here we are.

In the 1980's I listened to J Richard Clark give a talk called, "The Value of Work".  In it he stated that as parents we should provide opportunities for our children to work and teach them the joy in it.  Well his talk stuck with me.  I really have wanted to be a good mom so I decided one of the types of work the children and I could do together would be to pull the weeds in the yard.  It would be easier to mow them down, poisen them, or just keep the ground barren without watering but I started this quest just from his few comments.

The last two years or so I have resorted to letting the boys mow the yard.  Last month I really looked at it and it was solid with weeds.  Sure it mowed up green, but the little sticky weeds were everywhere.  I had been feeling less motivated  or shall we say enthusiastic about life in general.  It was just a list of chores I was doing daily.  So I banned mowing and began to soften the dirt with extra water, then I began pulling the weeds.  The grass grew taller, and yes, this was August and it was hot.
I would stop and write down things I remembered with the children that I will share later, and then new quiet thoughts filtered in, I wrote those too. 

September 7th the weeds were all pulled.  Benjamin and I mowed.  Then we trimmed the edges, the trees and the vines untill it was some place that I love to drive up to now.  Still there are piles of stuff on the porch but I can see progress and for me that motivates me to keep going.

I'll probably never be a master gardener, and I only labor as I have strength, but I will keep trying, sometimes lagging behind, sometimes playing catch up.  (Yes I know this is one large run on sentence.)  This week though you will be hard pressed to find 10 weeds in the green of the front yard.

The Ramblings of Ginger K

This blog is to no one in particular.  It's just my thoughts, reflections, and experiences from my point of view, past and present.  Hopefully if you choose to read it you will learn from my mistakes and know how much I love each of you. 

 I want to start by saying, I'm no Molly Mormon.  I find that term demeaning.  Sure she and I may have similar loves and activites, but I'm just plain me.  My parents weren't sealed in a temple, they did not even stay married that long.  Very few of my ancestors crossed the plains in covered wagons or personally knew Joseph Smith.  My family chart has many lines that are broken or fragmented, but it is just a chart and they are all my family and I love all of them.  My parents are not perfect but they love me. Like them I also am not perfect but hope my family and friends will still love me just the same.  Though I'm not good at showing affection, I love them all deeply.  I love my savior, Jesus Christ and my Father in Heaven, and I am grateful for the Holy Ghost and his sweet whispers and comforting assurances.

The goal is to share something each day, maybe you'd like to join me.  Your comments would be welcome.

Ginger (mom)